Post by LSD on Dec 7, 2009 21:10:20 GMT -5
I had a serious squabble with my girlfriend just about 30 minutes ago. I was about as high as I have ever been on 'green', and although being a person who usually manages to avoid confrontation like the plague, I was entering a confrontation. I could feel myself standing at the precipice between maintaining a calm sense of stability (maybe equanimity would be a better word here) and a labyrinth of the irrational. No sooner had this thought crossed my mind than we were both thrust in the middle of a pretty intense roller coaster ride. Words, accusations, threats, flailing at one another like two cobra snakes spitting venom in the pit. For me, however, it was oddly smooth - closer to a spontaneous jazz improvisation than a boiling pot of anger. I wasn't angry, I was just responding: deforming and reforming like the liquid bad guy in Terminator 3. It wasn't until the burst had broken and the water had fallen that I thought to myself, “wow, that was great”. After she stormed out of my room (I not yet having thought any of these thoughts) I was suddenly overcome with compassion - I ran out and apologized to her (should have thanked her for the wild trip really). That’s what it felt like: an energetic roller-coaster ride that actually took me deeper into the ecstatic awareness that I was feeling at that moment. Ironically, the 'spat' was the factor that turned a good high into a great one. The ‘spat factor’? Here now some 40 minutes or so later, I am just feeling totally chill. With maybe the exception of a micro-vibe hazy tinge of regret that I didn't make the right ethical decision at a critical moment (a place I’ve been before); but figured maybe I had things under control, so why worry? Then again, maybe this had nothing to do with what ever idea it is that I hold about what it means to be ‘ethical’. Was ‘intuition’ the real culprit here? Is what I needed something that was being ‘arranged’ in my absence? The ‘kill thrill’ must be closer to God than anything remotely ethical; something that close to ones instincts: the raw, deep, free, instinctual part of our being. The thing is, that it was one of those decisions that could just as well have slid right by me without the slightest hic-up under different circumstances. What seems odd now, though, is that instead of feeling flustered, upset, and angry, etc, (as I would expect), I feel calm, and without worry. Maybe what was really going on while surfing that wave of emotion – riding that baby like a current from the deep – was that I was realizing some natural process like part of being human. Breaking through a barrier to bring into focus a fuller realization of being. A deeper level of awareness: which means my line of ‘connectivity’ in that moment deepened. The engagement of our two opposing forces, entangled like two wrestlers, triggered, in my case, a wonderful blossoming effect of energy that permeated the whole crown area of my 7th chakra. Laughter and smiling are the two usual activities that I have found most pleasurably excite the tingling sensations of the crown chakra, and deepen the sense of bliss, peace and equanimity.
So whose to say if what I did, in retrospect, had anything to do with ‘ethics’; but instead (throwing around a lofty little idea) it was, in fact, the ‘will’ of the universe.
I see a parallel image here of a leopard, becoming aware of it’s prey; sensing an energy rise that connects the tips of its claws to its core. The leopard neither likes nor hates its prey, nor will there be any consequence for how it connects with the instinctual flow of nature, then it is nature that performs the act we have distinguished and come to define as ‘killing’. A meaningless term to an animal. It becomes part of a process created and sustained by nature. If the universe is at the core of its nature, then how can the universe be wrong? Even while licking the blood off of each others faces, the two leopards share the same deep pleasurable connection felt from killing. There must be a natural sense of elation that occurs when killing without fear. Or watching a mushroom cloud ascend from a bomb while admiring its beauty. The strangeness of the experience. The beautiful clarity of the third eye opened and turned the moment into a kind of hyper-reality. Without the ability to reflect in anyway on the nature of what they are doing, or what will happen, the leopard is simply realizing its nature, its action is justified by being; a leopard. Not only that, but who cares if I kill that Zebra anyways? So that's sort of what it was like. Lost in the moment.
Another question that I can tie in here, is about what do you see when you open your eyes during 5-9th non-material domain? I mean does everything look hyper-real or what? I had an experience on the skytrain, where I had earlier smoked some old grass, and this cow (me) began to feel a sweat break out, pretty quick I was sopping wet, and felt like I was going to faint. I didn't, but I sat there with my head in my hands, unable to move. Things were beginning to blur, and my hearing (this was the only cool part) was as if I was listening to everything around me through a really long funnel, and the sound of a waterfall was dubbed over that, with all my attention focused on the prominence of that sound. I thought perhaps I was beginning to go 'non-material', but either way it was a bad trip. I went to the medical room at a station and lay there for about an hour till it subsided.
So whose to say if what I did, in retrospect, had anything to do with ‘ethics’; but instead (throwing around a lofty little idea) it was, in fact, the ‘will’ of the universe.
I see a parallel image here of a leopard, becoming aware of it’s prey; sensing an energy rise that connects the tips of its claws to its core. The leopard neither likes nor hates its prey, nor will there be any consequence for how it connects with the instinctual flow of nature, then it is nature that performs the act we have distinguished and come to define as ‘killing’. A meaningless term to an animal. It becomes part of a process created and sustained by nature. If the universe is at the core of its nature, then how can the universe be wrong? Even while licking the blood off of each others faces, the two leopards share the same deep pleasurable connection felt from killing. There must be a natural sense of elation that occurs when killing without fear. Or watching a mushroom cloud ascend from a bomb while admiring its beauty. The strangeness of the experience. The beautiful clarity of the third eye opened and turned the moment into a kind of hyper-reality. Without the ability to reflect in anyway on the nature of what they are doing, or what will happen, the leopard is simply realizing its nature, its action is justified by being; a leopard. Not only that, but who cares if I kill that Zebra anyways? So that's sort of what it was like. Lost in the moment.
Another question that I can tie in here, is about what do you see when you open your eyes during 5-9th non-material domain? I mean does everything look hyper-real or what? I had an experience on the skytrain, where I had earlier smoked some old grass, and this cow (me) began to feel a sweat break out, pretty quick I was sopping wet, and felt like I was going to faint. I didn't, but I sat there with my head in my hands, unable to move. Things were beginning to blur, and my hearing (this was the only cool part) was as if I was listening to everything around me through a really long funnel, and the sound of a waterfall was dubbed over that, with all my attention focused on the prominence of that sound. I thought perhaps I was beginning to go 'non-material', but either way it was a bad trip. I went to the medical room at a station and lay there for about an hour till it subsided.
