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Post by jhananda on Aug 22, 2010 15:57:09 GMT -5
The mission statement for this forum is by leading a contemplative life we will be aided in recovery. We define a contemplative life in terms of both formally practicing meditation, as well as moment-to-moment self-awareness.
The mechanism in the contemplative life that leads to recovery from addiction is, first, by leading a contemplative life we begin to seek wholesome ways to deal with anxiety, because most addictions are just unwholesome ways of suppressing anxiety. So, a part of contemplative recovery is learning what is wholesome verses what is unwholesome.
Secondly, the practice of self-awareness in recovery is most important, because we have to become aware of our anxiety, and cultivate functional, or wholesome ways to deal with it.
So, perhaps, some of you are realizing that the first thing in recovery is to learn the difference between wholesome and unwholesome coping mechanisms. So, if one does not know the difference between these two coping methods, then recovery cannot be accomplished.
Now, one of the things that I recognize and wish to advance some dialog on is, while the AA 12-step model is a good one, it is incomplete and needs to be improved upon. The AA 12-step model recognizes some unwholesome behavior and ignores other unwholesome behavior, and really does not offer wholesomeness, so it is essentially a negative model. So, I have proposed contemplative recovery as that advancement.
Now, the first step in contemplative recovery is this idea of cultivating wholesome coping mechanisms. In AA they typically replace alcohol and drugs with caffeine, cigarettes and sugar. I would like to propose that these are not wholesome coping mechanisms either. Instead I propose the next step beyond AA is identifying wholesome behavior, which is basically becoming health conscious. In the process of becoming health conscious one quickly learns one is addicted to many unwholesome behaviors, for which the AA recovery model could be quite useful to help over come addiction to fast-food, sugar, artificial foods, etc. And all of the above requires leading a contemplative life.
The contemplative life is also about learning that we are all addicted to the mind, and by practicing meditation we learn to confront that addiction directly and learn to cultivate the wholesome behavior of a still and calm mind.
Ultimately, recovery can be accomplished by replacing addiction to substances with a daily meditation practice that produces one of the four stages of meditative absorption, which the Buddha called ‘jhana.’ The reason why the daily attainment of jhana is useful in recovery is it gives us true bliss, joy, and fulfillment, which an addiction to anything else cannot offer. We find when people begin to experience jhana every day in their meditation practice they lose their addictions.
So, friends feel free to discuss how the contemplative life can help you in your recovery.
Love to all, Jhananda
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Post by Linda on Aug 26, 2010 12:30:03 GMT -5
Jeffrey, I walked into the psychology section of a bookstore today, and found some books on Enneagrams. I was stunned that the #5 'type' was a perfect description of myself, would you recommend these as a tool? A more general question came out of that, this is addressed to Michael and others as well, would you recommend any particular material along these lines that you have found useful? And from that, I wondered if you could talk a bit about the benefits of actually seeing a psychologist Jeffrey, perhaps in contrast to a 'self help' approach. I suppose that practicing meditation is the best 'therapy', within a supportive community as this forum offers, but after reading that bit about Enneagram 'types' today, I suddenly felt like who I 'thought' I was, was just some sort of 'cliche' that I've come to 'believe' in as a part of who I 'think' I am (as the cliche goes ).
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Post by Linda on Aug 26, 2010 13:30:03 GMT -5
Juts some related info, sorry for the slog! The Enneagram of Personality — usually known simply as the Enneagram — is an application of an enneagram geometric figure in relation to various personality issues. The term "enneagram" derives from two Greek words, ennea (nine) and grammos (something written or drawn). The enneagram figure consists of a nine-pointed diagram, usually depicted within a circle. The Enneagram of Personality is mostly taught and understood as a psychospiritual typology (a model of personality types) [1][2] but is also presented in ways intended to discover and develop higher states of being, essence and enlightenment.[3] Each Enneagram personality type expresses a distinctive and habitual pattern of thinking and emotions. The behavioral characteristics of the personality types are less distinctive. It is claimed[by whom?] that by recognizing their personality pattern a person may be able to use the Enneagram as an effective method for self-understanding and self-development.[4] www.enneagraminstitute.com/practical.aspFives Characteristic role: The Investigator[12] Ego Fixation: Stinginess[13] Holy Idea: Omniscience[13] Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable[20] Basic Desire: To be capable and competent[20] Temptation: To keep the world at bay Vice/Passion: Avarice[15] Virtue: Detachment[16] Stress/Disintegration point: Seven. Detached Fives may become hyperactive and scattered like unhealthy Sevens[20] Security/Integration point: Eight. Integrated Fives may become self-confident and decisive like healthy Eights[20] 5 THE INVESTIGATOR Overview of Type Five The connection between genius and madness has long been debated. These two states are really poles apart, the opposite ends of the personality spectrum. The genius is someone who fuses knowledge with insight into the nature of reality, someone who has the ability to see things with utter clarity and with awe-inspiring comprehension. What separates the genius from the madman is that the genius, in addition to extraordinary insights, has the ability to see them correctly, within their context. The genius perceives patterns which are actually present, whereas the madman imposes patterns, projecting erroneous perceptions onto every circumstance. The genius may sometimes seem to be out of touch with reality, but only because he or she operates at a more profound level. The madman, however, is truly out of touch with reality, having nothing but delusions to substitute for it. The Five is the personality type which most exemplifies these extremes. In the Five, we see the genius and the madman, the innovator and intellectual, the mildly eccentric crackpot and the deeply disturbed delusional schizoid. To understand how these widely diverse states are part of the same personality type is to understand the Five. In the Thinking Center Fives are members of the Thinking Center. Their potential problem results from the fact that they emphasize thinking over doing, becoming intensely involved with their thoughts. Fives think so much that their mental world becomes all engrossing, virtually to the exclusion of everything else. This is not to say that Fives do nothing at all, but that they are more at home in their minds, viewing the world from a detached vantage point, than they are in the world of action. All three members of the Thinking Center—Fives, Sixes, and Sevens—focus their attention on the world outside themselves. This may seem to contradict the statement that Fives are engrossed in their thoughts, but it actually does not. Fives focus their attention on the external world for a variety of reasons, one of the most important of which is that the material they think about comes through their sense perceptions—the accuracy of which they can never be completely sure of because they are not certain about what lies outside themselves. The only thing they know with certainty is their own thoughts. Hence, the focus of their attention is outward, on the environment while identifying with the thoughts about the environment. The source of many of their problems is their need to find out how their perceptions of the world square with reality so that they can act in it—and do things with confidence. Problems with Security and Anxiety Like the other two members of the Thinking Center, average Fives tend to have problems with insecurity because they fear that the environment is unpredictable and potentially threatening. Further. they feel powerless to defend themselves against the world’s many dangers: they believe they are not capable of functioning as well as others and so make it their number one priority to acquire the skills and knowledge they feel is necessary for them to be able to operate adequately in life. This fear of being helpless and incapable influences their behavior in significant ways. Fives believe that their resources and capacities are limited, so they respond to their anxiety by downscaling their activities and needs. The more anxious they feel, the more they minimize their needs. While this can be a sensible approach to problems at times, anxious Fives may reduce themselves to living in extremely primitive conditions in order to allay their fears of inadequacy. Naturally, given this orientation, Fives feel easily overwhelmed by others’ needs as well, and try to avoid situations in which others will expect more from them than they feel able to give. As their fears increase, Fives begin to "shrink away" from the world and from connections with others. When Fives are healthy, they are able to observe reality as it is and are able to comprehend complex phenomena at a glance because they are participating in life and testing their perceptions. In their search for security, however, the perceptions of even average Fives tend to become skewed. Their thinking becomes more convoluted, self-referential and increasingly fueled by anxiety. As they withdraw from the world, it only heightens their fears that they cannot cope with it. Eventually, even basic living requirements seem overwhelming and frightening. And if they become unhealthy, Fives are the type of persons cut themselves off from most human contact while developing their eccentric ideas to such absurd extremes that they become obsessed with completely distorted notions about themselves and reality. Ultimately, unhealthy Fives become utterly terrified and trapped by the threatening visions which they have created in their own minds. Their problem with anxiety, one of the issues common to the personality types of the Thinking Center, is related to their difficulty with perceiving reality objectively. They are afraid of allowing anyone or anything to influence them or their thoughts. Because they doubt their own ability to do, they fear that others’ agendas will overwhelm them. They fear that others are more powerful than they are and will control or possess them. Ironically, however, even average Fives are not unwilling to be possessed by an idea, as long as the idea has originated with them. Nothing must be allowed to influence their thinking lest their developing sense of confidence be diminished, although by relying solely on their own ideas and perceptions, and without testing them in the real world, Fives can become profoundly out of touch with reality. The upshot of this is that average to unhealthy Fives are uncertain whether or not their perceptions of the environment are valid. They do not know what is real and what is the product of their minds. They project their anxiety-ridden thoughts and their aggressive impulses into the environment, becoming fearful of the antagonistic forces which seem to be arrayed against them. They gradually become convinced that their peculiar and increasingly dark interpretation of reality is the way things really are. In the end, they become so terrorized that they cannot act even though they are consumed by anxiety. The basis of their orientation to the world is thinking; personality type Five corresponds to Jung's introverted thinking type. Introverted thinking is primarily oriented by the subjective factor....It does not lead from concrete experience back again to the object, but always to the subjective content. External facts are not the aim and origin of this thinking, though the introvert would often like to make his thinking appear so. It begins with the subject and leads back to the subject, far though it may range into the realm of actual reality....Facts are collected as evidence for a theory, never for their own sakes. (C. G. Jung, Psychological Types, 380.) Although they correspond to Jung's introverted thinking type, Fives are perhaps more precisely characterized as a subjective thinking type because the aim of their thought is not always introverted (that is, directed toward themselves); rather, it is directed often outward toward the environment, which Fives want to understand so that they can be safer in it. The impetus for their thinking comes, as Jung says, from "the subjective factor," from their need to know about what lies outside themselves, as well as from their anxiety when they do not understand the environment. This is why thinking is the method Fives use both to fit into the world and, paradoxically, to defend themselves against it. One of the results of the way Fives think is that even healthy Fives are not very deeply rooted in visceral experience. They are the type of people who get a great deal of intellectual mileage out of very little experience because they always find something of significance where others see little or nothing. This may lead to great discoveries. However, when they stop observing the world and focus their attention on their interpretations of it, Fives begin to lose touch with reality. Instead of keeping an open mind while they observe the world, they become too involved with their own thoughts and dreams. This leads them further away from the world of constructive action—the very arena in which their self-confidence needs to develop. They may spend a great deal of time playing around with ideas or visions of reality which have almost no practical impact on their lives, leaving them more fearful about themselves and feeling more vulnerable to the predations of the world. Parental Orientation As a result of their formative experiences, these children became ambivalent to both parents. Fives, like Twos and Eights, were in search of a niche within the family system, a role that they could fulfill that would win them protection and nurturance. For whatever reasons, though, they perceived that there was no place for them to fit in—that nothing they could do was wanted or needed by their family. As a result, Fives withdrew from active participation in the family to search for something that they could "bring to the table." Fives want to find something that they can do well enough to feel like an equal of others. Unlike other types, however, since Fives’ underlying fear is of being helpless and incapable, they generally look for areas of expertise that others have not already explored or exploited. In a sense, their agenda is to focus on the search for and mastery subjects and skills until they feel confident enough to "reenter" the world. In the meantime, Fives strike a kind of bargain with their parents which carries over into all of their subsequent relationships: "Don’t ask too much of me, and I won’t ask too much of you." Fives feel that they need most of their limited time and energy to acquire the knowledge and skills that they believe will make them capable and competent. Thus, average Fives come to resent intrusions upon their space, their time, and certainly upon their persons. What for another type might feel like a comfortable distance can feel overwhelming to an average Five. he reasons for this may relate to the Five’s feeling of not having a place in the family. They may have felt crowded out or intruded upon by their parents agendas, or perhaps even literally. Their parents may have nurtured them erratically, or perhaps may have been emotionally disturbed or alcoholic or caught in a loveless marriage, and therefore not dependable sources of love and reassurance. The result is that these children become ambivalent not only toward both parents, but ambivalent toward the world. Fives attempt to resolve their ambivalence by not identifying with anything other than their thoughts about the world outside themselves. They feel that their thoughts are "good" (that is, correct, and can be safely identified with), while outside reality is "bad" (and must therefore be vigilantly watched), so that it can be repulsed at a moment's notice. In average to unhealthy Fives, the sense of being crowded may have resulted in them feeling unsafe in their bodies. They then become profoundly detached, indifferent to physical comfort, and extremely cerebral as if the quality of their material existence was irrelevant to them. In truth, it is not, but fearful Fives are willing to jettison many comforts and even needs in order to protect the space and time they feel they need to pursue their interests—that is, those areas they are trying to master. They continue to find their parents, the world, and other people fascinating and necessary, but Fives also feel that they must keep everything and everyone at a safe distance lest they be in danger of being overwhelmed by some outside force. Thus, from the very way they think—their "cognitive style"—Fives set up a strict dualism between themselves and the world: they see everything as essentially split into two fundamental areas—the inner world and the outer world, subjects and objects, the known and the unknown, the dangerous and the safe, and so forth. This sharp split between themselves as subjects and the rest of the world as objects has tremendous ramifications throughout their entire lives. Problems with Detachment and Phobia When they are healthy, Fives do not have to detach themselves from the environment because they feel secure and confident enough to fully participate in the world around them. Because they are interacting with the environment, their observations are accurate and balanced. But as they deteriorate down the Continuum toward unhealth, their perceptions become more intensely focused on what seems to be threatening and dangerous in the environment. As a result of their preoccupation with fear and darkness, their mental world becomes filled with anxiety. Ironically, however, the more fearful Fives become, the more compelled they feel to ponder the very things that terrify them. In the end, since they invariably focus on what is threatening, Fives turn their terrifying projections into their only reality, and in so doing, turn their minds against themselves, literally scaring themselves out of their minds. They become completely defenseless against the environment which they find supremely dangerous because their minds have made it so. They become so phobic—and their sense of capability becomes so fragile—that it is extraordinarily difficult for them to function or turn to anyone for help. Yet, unless deteriorating Fives can reach out to someone, they have few ways of getting back in touch with reality. If they live like this for long, their thought processes become so delusional and terrifying that they must separate themselves not just from the world but even from their own thoughts. Neurotic Fives become schizoid, unconsciously splitting themselves off from their teeming minds so that they can continue to live. Their reality has become hellish: dark, painful, and without hope. Recoiling in horror, they retreat into emptiness—and yet more horror.
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Post by jhananda on Aug 26, 2010 20:59:45 GMT -5
Hello Linda, the Enneagram is an oracle. Oracles are useful for gaining insight into oneself. Michael is an expert in oracles. You really should consult with him on this subject, and not me, because I am an amateur when it comes to oracles.
On the topic of a psychologist, I was in weekly therapy for about 10 years. It helped me a great deal through the dark night of the soul. However, I would recommend a therapist who is also a dedicated contemplative, and preferably one who has some attainment. I believe Michael Hawkins has a masters in psychology, and I know he is a rigorous contemplative with very impressive attainments, so I would recommend him without reservation as one of the best guides through the dark night of the soul anyone could ever hope to have.
Best regards, Jhananda
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Post by Linda on Aug 27, 2010 1:47:05 GMT -5
Ok thx Jeffrey! What do you think Michael? Love to all, Linda
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Post by Linda on Aug 28, 2010 13:46:32 GMT -5
Some info relating the enneagram to addictions, I've found this brilliantly accurate, how the hell does this work? Loads of site and books on this 'system' of personal inquiry:
The Addictive Personality: Disorders by Enneagram Type Don't know your Enneagram Type?
Click here to take our Enneagram Test
While the Enneagram is a powerful tool for transformation, transformational work is not possible for those actively abusing addictive medications, alcohol, or controlled substances. Those suffering from substance abuse problems must become "sober" on a regular basis before they can sustain any in-depth inquiry into their true nature. Abuse and neglect make it almost impossible to develop the sensitivity and attention necessary to observe oneself with any clarity.
Fortunately, there are many resources available to support the addictive personality in breaking free of various forms of addictions, including books, workshops, support groups, therapy, and even inpatient care. The Enneagram is not a substitute for those resources, but combined with them, can be extremely helpful in understanding the roots of the addictive personality.
All nine Enneagram personality types can have any kind of addiction, and all nine types can be codependent. We find some tendencies toward certain addictions in the Enneagram types, however, and offer the following correlations as a beginning guideline. They are not all-inclusive and are not intended to be a complete discussion of this complex problem. Note also that the addictions and disorders listed below apply not only to each Enneagram personality type, but also each type's Direction of Disintegration.
The following material is taken from The Wisdom of the Enneagram (pages 350-352), and is offered as a preliminary study of which addictive behaviors and other imbalances coincide with each personality type. These observations are not meant to be all-inclusive or to complete, only that they are a useful starting place for studying this important application of the Enneagram.
Be sure, however, that you or someone else you are applying this information to is correctly typed. You can take the scientifically validated Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI Version 2.5) on this website. Also, be aware that the types connected by a line on the Enneagram from your basic personality type may also show up in your own pattern of addictions, imbalances, and substance abuse. Eating Disorders & Addictions of the Types
* Type 1 The Reformer Excessive use of diets, vitamins, and cleansing techniques (fasts, diet pills, enemas). Under-eating for self-control: in extreme cases anorexia and bulimia. Alcohol to relieve tension. * Type 2 The Helper Abusing food and over-the-counter medications. Bingeing, especially on sweets and carbohydrates. Over-eating from feeling "love-starved." Hypochondria to look for sympathy. * Type 3 The Achiever Over-stressing the body for recognition. Working out to exhaustion. Starvation diets. Workaholism. Excessive intake of coffee, stimulants, amphetamines, cocaine, steroids or excessive surgery for cosmetic improvement. * Type 4 The Individualist Over-indulgence in rich foods, sweets, alcohol to alter mood, to socialize, and for emotional consolation. Lack of physical activity. Bulimia. Depressants. Tobacco, prescription drugs, or heroin for social anxiety. Cosmetic surgery to erase rejected features. * Type 5 The Investigator Poor eating and sleeping habits due to minimizing needs. Neglecting hygiene and nutrition. Lack of physical activity. Psychotropic drugs for mental stimulation and escape, narcotics for anxiety. * Type 6 The Loyalist Rigidity in diet causes nutritional imbalances ("I don't like vegetables.") Working excessively. Caffeine and amphetamines for stamina, but also alcohol and depressants to deaden anxiety. Higher susceptibility to alcoholism than many types. * Type 7 The Enthusiast The type most prone to addictions: stimulants (caffeine, cocaine, and amphetamines), Ecstasy, psychotropics, narcotics, and alcohol but tend to avoid other depressants. Wear body out with effort to stay "up." Excessive cosmetic surgery, pain killers. * Type 8 The Challenger Ignore physical needs and problems: avoid medical visits and check-ups. Indulging in rich foods, alcohol, tobacco while pushing self too hard leads to high stress, strokes, and heart conditions. Control issues central, although alcoholism and narcotic addictions are possible. * Type 9 The Peacemaker Over-eating or under-eating due to lack of self-awareness and repressed anger. Lack of physical activity. Depressants and psychotropics, alcohol, marijuana, narcotics to deaden loneliness and anxiety.
For more information about all of the Enneagram addictive personality types and the self-defeating patterns they form with themselves and in their relationships, see the Enneagram type descriptions and the books Personality Types and The Wisdom of the Enneagram from with the above chart has been taken. For practices that can be helpful to the types to overcome their addictions and imbalances, see Understanding the Enneagram and Enneagram Transformations.
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Post by John on Sept 29, 2010 15:38:12 GMT -5
I'm 38 and at a bit of a crossroads, have become aware in the last couple years of my addiction to the sensuality of Thailand, and I mean everything about the culture, the soft gentle laid back way of life. And I am now presently with an opportunity to further my carreer by going back to school for a masters in Den Haag, Holland. I believe I can get financial support from funding bodies, and have had good support from friends. But it is the realization that I have been 'addicted', and suffered a great deal from that. I have spent 11 years here, working, did an MA in liguistics, diploma in piano performance ABRSM, and have some savings. It feel time to move on, my meditation practice has helped me a lot, I still can't believe that I'm setting the wheels in motion now, it feels a bit strange, because I do love it here. I think I came here initially to escape from the backstabbing cold political environment and scene in Canada which turned me off a great deal. Had previously studied in Berlin, and got sick and had to come home. Coming to Thailand always felt right. But my musical career went on hold for a 10 years, and while I see the importance of maintaining my contemplative life, with the risks of entering back into the 'insane' west, it feels like time to get back into the arena where my true talents lie, in music. Funny about all the talk about ekart Tolle, i did read his books, and the persistent attention on the now really seemed a valuable 'cognitive' mindfulness practice, techniues to make yourself conscious of your unconscious behavior - which I raise my hand to be guilty of. But it really only when I am in 2nd-3rd Jhana that any of that makes sense, true actuallized sense, but he never talks about that 'work' and discipline that is required if you ever actually want to 'experience' the very clean and articulate, simple, messages that he has to offer. What do you think?
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Post by jhananda on Sept 29, 2010 16:05:35 GMT -5
Hello John, it is good to receive another enquiry from you. It has been a long time. When I receive an enquiry from someone who has consistent access to the ecstasies (jhana), such as yourself, I want to recommend that such a person retreat from the world and just engage fulltime into the contemplative life; however, I know of no monastery on the world where such a mystic would be welcome. So, my recommendation is for such skilled contemplatives, such as yourself, to live as an island unto yourself while in the world, and cultivate and sustain the ecstasies, while negotiating this world with as little attachment to the things of the world as you can have.
Yes, John, the Power of Now, and Be Here Now, are good practices for the kind of self awareness that leads to the ecstasies. However, when the authors of such practices never speak of the ecstasies, then we have to conclude these authors have not delved so deep into the contemplative life. Nonetheless, being in the present is essential introductory work in self-awareness for any contemplative who wishes to delve so deep into the self to find the ecstasies.
Maha-Parinibbana Sutta (DN-16) 33. "Therefore, ânanda, be an island unto yourself, refuge unto yourself, seeking no external refuge; with the Dhamma as your island, the Dhamma as your refuge, seeking no other refuge.
Love to all, Jhananda
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Post by John on Sept 30, 2010 13:24:51 GMT -5
Thank you Jeffrey, your comments are always helpful. I follow along, quietly, and watch and learn. I'm not sure what has happened recently, but it feels like a shift has occurred, inside myself, away from sensual addiction, and compulsive activity, and I see it as a crossroads because I realize that if I am going to enter back into my 'profession', it sort of has to be now or never. The shift has been away from my compulsions to a sense of wanting to be 'recognized', which I am aware is simply moving from one compulsion to 'another', but as you say Jeffrey, if it has to be done, then with "as little attachment as possible". I think I can do that now, I feel that the 'political' and 'self-identification' with the music world will have much less effect on my contemplative life. While I recognize my talents, and am aware of others who also value them, I feel that I have nothing (much) to learn from going back to study, earn another degree, or going anywhere, whether it be to Holland or anywhere else in the World. So again, your advice resonates Jeffrey, to be an 'island unto yourself', in which case it makes no difference where you are, but perhaps better to be where my talents would be more fully realized, my music performed, heard, where I can experiment in an artistically stimulating environment, and where, most importantly, my contemplative practice would remain untouched.
It is a career decision though, an investment that I feel is ripe, and that I have avoided out of fear, of failure, and the loneliness of the west. When pursuing post graduate work in Berlin, at a prestigious music school, I became ill after a year, and had to abandon that path. I was miserable and hated it. That kind of misery is something I have never felt here, it always felt right to retreat to Thailand, the warmth, and smiling people, I still love it. This shift has something to do with the realization of my mortality, my love here is painful because I want it to last forever, I see all of this as part of a turn towards more fully realizing that love is in part about relinquishing our attachment to life itself, allowing it to be whatever it may be, without judgment, without criticism, without hatred, without it, completely
We can love, nothing but love, and only be loved. John
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Post by jhananda on Sept 30, 2010 16:54:10 GMT -5
You make excellent point John. To me insight, love and fullfilment are some of the many abstract attainments that come with the attainment of jhana. So, do remember to sit at least twice a day every day in meditation that takes you deep into jhana, then you can successfully live as an island in the midst of the chaos of culture.
Love to all, Jhananda
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Post by Michael on Oct 3, 2010 16:32:52 GMT -5
Jeffrey, I'm addicted to tranquilizers, about 3-5 years now off and on. Xanax. I also have deep pain in my muscles. I meditate, and have found after 2-3 hours my pain body kind of dissolves into a strong 3rd eye energy. But the deep pain has been chronic for 18 years, moves around, bad in my legs and arms, back. Had gastritis this year, i finally went on amytriptaline 25mg/day, and immediately my stomach gas stopped and my compulsive sensual cravings more or less subsided. I did that for 2 months, but have gone off them now and find myself resorting back to strong sexual impulses, and generally a higher level of anxiety, same before. The mediation twice/day helps, but i just can't get off the substances. xanax. when i have managed to stop, anxiety and mood is very unstable, and sleep disturbance irradic, its hard to deal with. what do u think? Can there be past conflict, unresolved issues? I don't know, I mean sure there are, but if they are acting on me then they are subconscious, not like I'm wallowing in my past pain day in and out. best, Michael
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Post by jhananda on Oct 4, 2010 15:11:05 GMT -5
Hello Michael, thank-you for having the courage to post your recovery issues here. I am sorry to hear that you have substance abuse issues, but many have them these days. It is good that you recognize that you have anxiety, because one has to be able to recognize that one has problems before one can address those problems. This, to me, is consistent with the first Noble Truth, which is to recognize that one has dhukkha, which to me is all about recognizing one has anxiety.
The next step is to recognize that your substance abuse issues are a habitual attempt on your part to medicate your anxiety. This means it is the next step in your journey to recognize that there is a cause to your substance abuse, which is anxiety.
Then, the next step is to recognize there is a cause of your anxiety, which is the second Noble Truth. Traditionally, the cause of anxiety (dhukkha), within a Buddhist context, is stated in the suttas to be craving (tanha). So, use moment-to-moment mindfully self-aware to investigate your craving.
Since you practice meditation, then you might investigate your meditation practice as well. The question to ask yourself, is your meditation practice about being mindfully self-aware, or are you just covering your anxiety up with endless mental exercises? If your meditation practice is about mindfully self-aware, then endeavor to be mindfully self-aware in your moment-to-moment life.
One may begin with moment-to-moment mindfully self-aware in just observing your world and your reaction to it. However, one who is interested in ending one’s suffering and anxiety (dhukkha), will wish to exercise some discipline in one’s moment-to-moment mindfully self-aware by consciously choosing not to abuse substances and also to get to the bottom of one’s anxieties, because after all most addictive behavior is simply self-medicating anxiety, thus if one can learn other coping mechanisms for relieving anxiety than addictive behavior, then one will make great progress.
How I deal with my anxieties is first I endeavor to lead an anxiety-free life; however, it is impossible to live on this planet without some anxieties. So, the next step is I also learned how to relieve my anxieties with moment-to-moment mindfully self-aware by recognizing the anxiety as soon as it arises, then I endeavor to calm and relax my body and mind. In the process of this willful practice of subduing my anxiety as it arises, is I have learned to enter the ecstatic altered states of consciousness at will, and I have developed a great fondness for them, so when I enter jhana it is as soothing as jumping into a cool lake on a hot day.
Dealing with chronic pain is an especially difficult situation, because it is a physical health issue, for which one may have to be taking pain relievers to relieve the pain, which can be addictive. However, perhaps the chronic pain is either caused, or exacerbated, by your anxiety. So, you may find as you conquer your anxiety, you may then also conquer your chronic pain.
I hope this helps, Jhananda
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Post by cerebral on Oct 4, 2010 18:55:19 GMT -5
Howdy, I've been following this thread for a while and wanted to comment. I found the enneagram to be a better description of my behavior than any story I've tried to tell about myself. Specifically, Type 5 with a 4 wing sounds about right. Though of course I have to remind myself, "the map is not the territory."
I posted on the JSG a while back...I guess I'm still recovering from my anxiety. Recently I was getting pulsating sensations in my palms and tingling on the soles of my feet fairly soon after sitting. I also thought I was experiencing the charism of sound a while back but I have ruled that one out.
Recently new sources of drama and anxiety have surfaced and I'm no longer able to let go of it...so no jhana to say the least. I'm still struggling with isolating myself and creating loneliness vs. trying to form real friendships, failing to recognize or act appropriately to social cues, and creating more drama and anxiety. How does one become a true human being? Aren't we social animals? A lot of times it seems like I have an ethical obligation to avoid people to avoid spreading suffering. So I retreat into the wilderness and calm down...but then I come back seeking company.
Feel free to ignore any of these questions, it's just a portrait of my mental landscape of late. Hope my post is not unwelcome. I don't really know what else to do right now except try to keep meditating.
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Post by jhananda on Oct 5, 2010 12:44:15 GMT -5
Hello Cerebral, it is a pleasure to receive your comments to recovery.
On the charisms that you feel in your feet and hands when meditating, we call them the signs of absorption, or what the Buddha called “jhana-nimitta.” Our use of them in the GWV is to use them as our meditation object. We find when we do so then we are taking deeper into absorption (jhana). We also find that when we meditate at least twice a day and experience absorption (jhana) every time we meditate, then our anxieties are relieved and we are filled with happiness and fulfillment.
Yes life offers us endless opportunities to experience anxiety. It is our job as contemplatives to chose tranquility and equanimity time and again. Meditating every day so that we experience jhana everyday helps us with our resolve for peace and freedom and makes that peace and freedom much more accessible.
Love to all, Jhananda
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Post by lettinggo on Oct 8, 2010 15:01:36 GMT -5
Dear Jeffrey,
I have had access to jhana for several years now thanks to your work. I'm trying at the moment, to let go of things in my life that could be holding me back. I have an addiction to sensuality. I've deleted profiles on dating sites and my msn. But its also a problem in general. I'm not interested in having a serious relationship, but at the same time I believe it is a strong subconscious desire, I mean that I do, and dont, want it. I feel I have not only an addiction but also a problem with sensuality, wanting to collect memories with all sorts of partners, keeping them like a prized 'secret'. How do I get rid of this, what am I trying to realize in myself with this, but am remaining blind to by harboring it as a 'secret'. How to let it go. I am afraid of it and oddly, confusingly, puzzled as to why I want to have this 'secret'?
I also had a problem in my family many years ago, that has hurt me and the family so deeply. I don't feel that pain or even know what life would be like now without it, but with all of my mind and heart I wish it could be otherwise. I wish I could get that out of my life, change it, heal the rift with my family, and just be a normal person again who gets sleepy at night and doesn't suffer from chronic horrible muscle pain. I entered a nightmare at an early stage in my life and now I don't know what life would be like otherwise.
I was always a shy person, so this drove me into terrible shame from someone who was already at a social disadvantage. I never had an intimate relationship up to the age of 27, but craved it so much, I was always hurt by how all of my attempts failed. After this one failed relation of 2 years, I entered into a sensual addiction for about 10 years. I learned alot during this time. Perhaps most importantly that it is not even something I want. It all seems connected with my past, and trying to get something I missed, recently I have felt a change in myself, to get out of where I am at this point in my life, assess my assets, what I've accomplished, what I'm good at, what I like and want to do, and set some goals for the coming year. This has pulled me out of a kind of 'eternity', just living life day to day, hording my time for that day that someone will 'recognize' how wonderful I am and change my life. I've started taking the initiative to make changes, and feel positive that the coming year is going to be transformative. I think the shift has already happened, it seems to have been awakened by my abrupt stopping of discussion with a close friend and my mother. I will talk to them again, this is temporary, but I realize that the relationships there have been dysfunctional, and keeping me in a stuck state of co-dependency. I feel that I'm almost at mid-life, and maybe wasted 10 years addicted to 'pleasure' and escape. I was not very productive during that time, lost 3 jobs, drifted away from professional ties, and people working in my field. I see that I wanted to escape from life, my past pain, and saw the future in terms of how to maintain the 'addiction-machine' that has kept me in a cycle of pain/pleasure, maybe even using the idea of just wanting to be a 'contemplative' as an excuse for doing as little as possible. You have said how you don't seem to be meant to 'work' at a profession in the traditional sense of an employer. Me too, I hate it. Or maybe have just been in the wrong line of work. But it always just been a means to make a living, very little pleasure there, and really just another 'thing' I wanted to escape from, driving me to seek more and more pleasure from sensual addiction. I'm rambling, but just trying to get some of these things out, into the open so I can find out how to get rid of them and change my life for the better.
best and many thanks Jeffrey, Don
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